I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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