Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
