You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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