Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
