We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
