Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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