Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
