My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
