I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
