Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
