We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
My penis needs a shock collar
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
My feet surprised me
Randomize
