I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i will never coherently bang her
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
