i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
my poor anus
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
