The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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