All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
