White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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