You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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