Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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