The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
