my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
