It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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