Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
