I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
