The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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