are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
