Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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