Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
