i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
