There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Did you just see the Batmobile???
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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