my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
