Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
