Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
