So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Randomize
