You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
