When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
