I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
