When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
