They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
