You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
