my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Randomize
