i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
