You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
