when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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