I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
