Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
im about as happy as oj after his trial
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Randomize
