i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
