Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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