You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
ok first of all what the fuck
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
