I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
