Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
my being single is dangerous.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
