SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
